Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Rules for Truth

Honesty is the best policy, right? Sure. But what constitutes honesty; do white lies count, if we're trying to spare someone's feelings? And are all girls liars? Are all guys? Is everyone, simply, a liar?

Girls are some of the best liars I know, no lie. We're good at it; we do it constantly. You know why? We play mind games--vicious mind games--with each other, and mind games require a lot of lying. Well, not a lot, more like a mix of cruel honestly and dripping lies. When I say dripping lies, I mean: we lie so that you know we're lying. So, in fact, it's actually honestly. We're painfully honest with each other, some days. And, of course, there's the lies we tell guys. Yes, we lie to them, too. No, we do not always loooooove to sit with you for NINE innings in the summer heat to watch a baseball game in the stands. No, we do not always get along with your parents. (This is, in fact, a lie in my case. Parents love me.) No, we do not care about your work functions. And some things? Should just stay a mystery, so don't ask.

Of course, many of these lies go both ways. Obviously, not everyone get's along with parents. Not everyone gets on with friends. I tried to think of something to go along with baseball, but I really can't. Perhaps, something along the lines of girly TV or movies. (Though, I think these can be highly entertaining and educational. Not so much with the baseball, but maybe I'm wrong.)

But my question is: Why do we need to lie at all?

In my house, honesty was mostly the only policy. Usually, if you asked someone in my family whether you look good, whether you're hair is nice, whether what you're writing is any good, whether you're playing well at all, you can expect an honest answer. I've come to understand that this isn't the normal way most kids are raised. And I think, because of that, most people come to fear what will happen if they're honest.

Let's take an example: A classic Boy Meets World episode (if you haven't seen BMW, you have been deprived of a childhood learning about relationships you probably will never have) is one in which Corey and Topanga agree to be completely honest with each other, in order to bring them closer together during their engagement. At this point, everyone in the audience shudders in fear of what will happen to the two when they're honest with each other.

Of course, if you know the show, you know that Corey messes it up. But I wonder: why does it go bad in the first place? Why is this such a controversial issue that there's an entire twenty minute episode about it? Why do we lie? To spare people's feelings? But does lying even really ever do that? And isn't lying, in itself, going to hurt someone we love more?

I think we're severely lacking in honesty, these days. I've tried, recently, to become more honest with the people around me, and myself, but I've found that sometimes it backfires. People think that I'm being a bitch, or that I'm cruel and uncouth, but that's simply not the case. Is our society so used to lies that even the slightest admittance of the truth is cause for alarm? I'm sorry, I don't want to accept that. I believe you can be honest without being cruel, even if you say nothing at all.

So here are my rules for truth:

  1. Always be true and honest with your friends. No exceptions.
  2. Always be truthful with your significant other. ("Honey, I love you, but I really don't love your messy room/(insert annoyances here).")
  3. If your honest opinion is not good, use the "constructive criticism" technique.
  4. Or, use the "personal opinion" technique.
  5. Simply don't say anything.
Telling the truth is easy enough, so why not try it? No, you don't need to tell everyone every thought that runs through your head, but you should tell them the truth. Don't be cruel, just be honest, and see how it goes, and I'll do the same

HA not as many rhetorical questions this time, recommendations for life instead!

Parting shot:
"'You are one of us,' the Thistlewitch said to Kaye, black eyes glittering like jewels.
'What?' . . . . She was shaking her head, but even as she did it, she knew it was true. It felt true, unbalancing and rebalancing her world so neatly that she wondered how she didn't think of it before now. After all, why would only she be visited by faeries? Why would only she have magic she couldn't control? . . . . 'So why are you telling me now?'
'Because it is you who will be chosen for the Tithe.' " ~ Tithe, A Modern Tale of Faerie, page 96-97, Holly Black.
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